I try to find the words to say but nothing comes to mind.
Or should I say more honestly that words feel ill-defined

When used as blunted tools to try and exorcise the noise, 
I feel just like a child again equipped with only toys. 

Except my toys are older now and missing half the parts. 
How foolish, I, to think that they could turn my hurt to art. 

There has to be a space between a healthy introspect,
And ruminating day and night with rampant thoughts unchecked.

But if my goal has been to walk this heightened tightened line,
And somehow keep a balance of my own absurd design,

Then how can I be shocked when everything comes crashing down
And in my pile of broken toys my only hope’s to drown?

I feel at times there’s far too much I’ll never get to say.
And though I know that speaking up helps keep the urge at bay,

That maybe this was all a farce and truth be told I’m trapped;
By noise, by fear, what once was dear, and all my handicaps.

I feel as if I should be capable of making rhymes 
That takes a complicated thought and makes it sing in time.

And that I guess is why I feel inadequate the most, 
I have an expectation of myself that’s now engrossed

In all the ways I fail to say what’s going on inside, 
And hope these useless broken toys can somehow hold the tide

Of overbearing shrieking noise which sets itself ablaze,
And at my slightest touch will send my mind into a craze. 

I cannot hear a thing in here nor least the words to say
The way I feel or what I’ll do to make it through the day. 

Much easier to simply stop, and never say a word.
To run and hide and let the noise inside remain unheard.

But as it always seems to be the easy route’s a lie,
There is no way to hide away and let the noise go by. 

If I don’t climb back up the line and walk its narrow point,
It’s just the hopes and dreams I built that now I’ll disappoint.

So here I am with toys aloft to make a feeble stand,
With plastic swords and plastic words against the flames I fanned.

Is there a fight much harder than the one to just survive?
When even from the start you lacked the will to stay alive.